This entry ain't worth a title
October 02, 2004, 7:48 p.m.

I can't stand my family. I really, really cannot.

But I don't feel like elucidating, so don't bother asking.

Anyway, I'm home on a Saturday night with no one to hang out with, no one to talk to. I can't say that I'm very happy at the moment. No one of any importance is online now. They're probably at Keelie's birthday party, or something.

Tonight is a night of parties, all of which I'm not invited to. 'Tis why I'm the only child home tonight. 'Tis why I'm feeling as lonely as I do. I can't go anywhere, for I have no one to go with, so I'm here alone, sitting at "my" computer and letting the tears fall.

I seem to be crying a lot recently.

I love how I'm losing all of my friends. Or maybe I just never had any friends to begin with. After all, how many people asked me to go somewhere this weekend? How many of those people ever thought to consider hanging out with me? How many of those faces that I see everyday, who joke around and chatter endlessly, thought to include me in any of their plans?

None.

I hate being lonely. I hate knowing that people don't really give two shits about me, that I'm forced to spend my time only with my boyfriend.

Don't get me wrong; my boyfriend is a part of my life, but he's not the only person who I wish to see outside of school.

No one ever says, "Alli, let's go out this weekend!" No one ever asks me to go see a movie, no one ever considers inviting me over to chill out at their houses.

I'm sure most of my more devoted readers -- though few in number they are-- remember when I went through a stress-induced depression that left me sobbing in my room on several occasions. I'm turning into that person again, though this time there is no stress to activate the stream of emotions this time around.

I can understand why it's showing itself now. Pioneer's dance class has started again, leaving an empty space which he only partially took up. He is, after all, my best friend. Why shouldn't I feel like I have someone when he's around? With him filling my weekends, I never took notice that people never bothered to ask me to hang out with them.

Why am I talking about this? Why should I have to? Sure, it makes for ag reat journal read, for I always get higher stats when I seem to talk about my depressional states, but shit, I hate feeling this way.

I'm gonna go now and watch TV, since I have nothing better to do.

Ta-ta.

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