All Gone
2001-06-01, 5:14 a.m.

It's gone! All of it! Every last drop of it, sucked up by another person! My love for Victor is gone. Do you know who the other person is? This boy named Nathan. I have no feelings at all for Victor. None. He noticed that I was acting strange, today. He asked "What's wrong?" Of course I couldn't tell him. Atleast not yet. And why Nathan? What's so special about him? What's so different? Well one thing is that he does weird voices. I've heard several, including Cartman from South Park- minus the "naughty words"- and what's-his-name from Water Boy. You know, the one that threatens to cut off Adam Sandler's head? Nathan screamed "You can do it!" And it sounded just like him! He said both of those voices when we were playing pool at Gameworks (We were having a band banquet) and I was doubting myself, saying "Man I suck at this game." and he's like "You can do it." In that voice. I started laughing.. It's so funny, but I did make the shot and then another.... He also said "Man, you suck!" in Cartman's voice to Victor. I laughed again... He knows I'm sort of a.......hitter, so he called me a Ho so I would hit him. Of course, I did. He kept saying quickly, so I kept hitting him. Then I asked "Why do you keep calling me a Ho when you know I'm gonaa hit you?" He's like "It'll make me stronger." I'm like "Ok... Whatever you say.." and kept hitting him-even on the bus. Victor, like a party-pooper told me to stop and sit down. I did and said he's a party-pooper. He's like "Well if you keeping acting like that, then I don't want you." I'm like "Fine!" hoping he was serious. He wasn't. Five minutes later he was holding my hand and I was looking out of the bus window, trying to ignore the fact that he was sitting next to me.My mind kept wandering to Nathan... The questions were popping up in my head: How can I like Nathan? Do I have to dump Victor? If so, how am I gonna let him down easily? That's disgusting to me. Disgusting! Why Nathan?! Then I thought about the first time I saw Nathan and how cute I thought he was and still is. My life sucks. I've been going out with Victor for less than a month and already the "love" has run out. What's wrong with me?

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