Leave me alone
October 19, 2004, 10:21 p.m.

I hate Diaryland. I hate my father. I hate Pioneer's father. I hate my sisters. I hate my brother.

I hate everybody.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm in a really pissy mood right now. Dairyland doesn't help me any by blocking me out for a goddamn half hour when I was only trying to edit a goddamn entry.

Fuck.

Anyway, my father starts bitching at me as soon as he walks in the door:

"Allison, why is your stand on the floor?"
"Because the leg is broken."
"I'm not buying you a new one."
"I didn't ask you to."
"I'm getting really tired of your mouth! You always have something smart to say!"
"I didn't say anything smart! I never asked you to replace it!" I can still use it when I need to. Just gotta prop the leg up.
"Well, if you'd put it away like I'd asked you to, it wouldn't get broken."
"I did put it away. I put it in a corner so it wouldn't get hit by anyone."
"Then why is it broken?"
"Because apparently people are klutzy enough to still break it. I know I didn't break it."
"Everytime something breaks in this house, I have to fix it; I have to replace it. I'm getting so sick and tired of this."
"I never asked you to replace it! I didn't ask for anything!"

What the hell?

Melode ate my pizza today. She said it was hers because she paid for it, but she was getting repaid by mom for it. It was the leftover pizza I put in the fridge yesterday. Jazzmyn said it they saved it to me.

But because Melode paid for the pizza, she thought that she was entitled to steal my only two slices of it, and have it for lunch. She knows it was mine.

And it's not so much the fact that it's pizza, y'know? I don't care about the fucking pizza; I would've let her have it if she asked.

I'm feeling less than loved by my family. The pizza incident is just another piece to add to the pile that is my shitty life. I'm an outsider in my own family. They always take things from me, and break things that belong to me, and never help me with anything. They make my life so goddamn hard.

I'm tired of having everyone ganging up on me. I'm tired of helping everyone and not getting a damn thing in return. I'm tired of being the oddball, the butt of every joke, the sister who is never asked if she'd like something, if she wants to go anywhere. I feel so lonely in a house of 6.

And people wonder why I become so depressed.

If you'll excuse me, I have a 2-unit, 40-fucking word vocab test tomorrow because stupid Kurzer forgot to assign us a vocab unit last week.
"We're behind," she says. That's because that crazy woman doesn't have a goddamn lesson plan.

I really just want to curl up in a damp, dark cave right now. They say the mildew is quite invigorating.

I hate my life.

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