Go to hell
October 21, 2004, 5:07 p.m.

I am a fat mofo. Seriously. I am no longer the thin, roll-less, arm-fat-less (though I don't believe I ever have been), small-boobed, no-assed girl that I used to be.

I miss that girl.

I know that when I was at that size, I was unhealthy. I rarely ate, and when I did, it wasn't that much.

But yeah.

I can't seem to knock this depression thing. I know this entry seems semi-lighthearted, but I'm making an attempt to be so.

It's not working.

I feel like absolute shit. I haven't gone one night in two weeks without crying myself to sleep. Indeed, ever five minutes I want to cry, to just let the tears flow. But that attracts too much attention to myself, a thing I don't really want right now.

I've been getting really upset with everyone, including Pioneer. He and I have been fighting a bit recently, but I don't know why.

I should take that back-- I'm the one that has been fighting. I can't stand it. Why do I have to be so goddamn argumentative? Why must I try to push everyone away from me?

Why do I have to be such a fucking bitch?

Because I'm a fat, depressed slob, that's why.

Leave me alone.

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