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May 14, 2005, 8:57 p.m.

Something is wrong with us. Everything right now seems so labored between us. Everytime he calls I feel like I'm struggling not to bite his head off and just to calm down and act happy.

But I'm not. I'm probably the least happiest person right now.

And he doesn't understand it. He doesn't get that he's wearing me down, both him and his father. I don't know what to do, either. I don't want to leave him, because I love him; but I also don't want to have to put up with his jealousy and insecurities, as well as his father's stupidity and total asshole-ness. I can't take it.

It seems that every time I go somewhere without him, or do something that has little to do with him -- and especially if it involves interacting with other boys (a la Tri-M banquet) -- he gets so damn jealous and spouts his normal bullshit. So naturally, I told him that I am not going to feel guilty for having a good time when I did nothing wrong.

And all this stems out because I danced with Davis. So fucking what? I danced with Drew. Big deal. It doesn't mean I like him, it doesn't mean I want to have sex with him, it doesn't mean I'm going to leave Pi for him. This all because Pioneer hates Drew.

This whole situation is so fucking stupid. Maybe him and I have been together too long. Maybe he's not ready for this kind of relationship. Maybe we just need a break from eachother.

I'll give it a few days.

Ta-ta.

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