*sigh* Still single.
2003-03-05, 8:15 p.m.

�Would you be my girlfriend?�

�No.�

Why did I say no, huh? Drew asked somethin� I�ve been waiting for him to ask forever and I SAY NO! What the hell is wrong with me, huh?

*sigh* I'm depressed.

By the way, lunch sucked. Again, that jackass Alan put his hands on me without my permission. I kicked his ass.

"I dare someone to grab her boobs," said Heath.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"I'll do it!" called Alan and he grabbed me. I chased him from the table, fuming.

"That is so not cool," Drew defended and he put is arm around me. "Atleast I know how far she'll let me go."

The conversation, it seemed, was all about sex today. Mainly, me and sex. The whole damn half hour was about me and sex.

*sigh* I've got to invite other girls to the table.

Anyway, Alan brought up the subject of, um, what'd he say? Oh yes. Deep throating.

"Ah, Allison can sure deep throat, let me tell you."

"I just met you yesterday!"

"Allison, you whore! Deep throatin' with a guy you just met!" Heath teased.

"You guys are so fucking disgusting!" I tried to get up from the table, but Drew held on.

"You've got to stay," he whispered into my ear. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Yep. Allison's great at deep throating," came Alan again.

I stood up. "YOU BETTER SHUT THE FUCK UP, OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS! I DON'T APPRECIATE BEING THE BUTT OF YOUR JOKES!"

He looked at my ass. "What butt?" questioned Alan. The guys laughed.

"Fuck you!" With that I tried to punch him, but he evaded.

"Calm down, people," said Drew. He pushed me down again. "You're pissing her off."

"What's your point?" came Alan again. I glared at him. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry."

"Don't talk to me. Just --"

"But--"

"Don't say a word!" I put my head down on the table and blocked everyone out.

"Hey, Allison. What's the most you've ever done?" Alan later asked.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"You're fucking kidding me! And how old are you?"

"Um. 15?"

He cracked up and Heath broke out into song. It's a popular tune, but I can't remember what it was right now. The rest of the table joined in. I was somewhat amused.

After the song ended Drew once again placed his arm around my waist and I again placed my head on his shoulder.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"No." It wasn't a flat-out no, but more of a fearful are-you-serious? no.

I know exactly why I said no, though. I was afraid. Afraid of jumping into a relationship when I've been out of one for so long; afraid of being hurt; afraid of him. He's so much more .. um.. experienced than me. Drew's done everything 'cept have sex. He's a great guy, and all, but I can't deal with him. Not now. Not yet.

So when'd I kick Alan's ass? When we were walking back to class, he grabbed me below the belt again. I lost my temper and swung and kicked and slapped.

I fight like a girl.

I'm such a sissy.

Whoopee.

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