Harry
2003-04-30, 10:42 p.m.

Oh, what a day! What. A. Day! I scraped my arm on the wall and I did homework and... Harry caused me to fall. He pushed me, the ass... Enh.

Today's my mom's birthday. Happy birthday, Mom! She's been kinda depressed because she's "so old," so I told her that since she's 43, she's just about 45, which is close to 50, which is practically 100. So she's almost 100 years old. Yeah, she is old.

She laughed. I didn't think it that funny, but whatever.

I hate my little teenage ramblings. Really. It's like, I say "like" all of the time, and I talk about boys and music (Death to pop!) and band (78% band geek!) and whatever teenagers talk about. Hey, at least I don't have some kind of body image problem. Plenty of girls (and guys) my age have this phobia of being fat. Now, I'm pretty thin myself, but not grossly. Several chicks whom I know constantly whine about how they're so fat, and so ugly, and whatnot. Most are 5'5" and 115 lbs.

Whatever. I'm rambling again.

Freezer. You feel nothing and wish to feel nothing
so you find peace in the way you think,
however, your emotions are more nuetral than
balanced. Coldness and tolerance can be the
ways of a passive heart.

How Emotional Are You?
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Wooh! That's a true statement right there. Yeah.

Although the orchestra has returned from central Florida, many didn't show up for school today. Off of the top of my head I can name Brian, Alice, and Ana. All flutes. Christina showed, but she skipped band, as did Emily (name?), Maritriny (AKA Mary), and various other bandmates.

Drew, of course, played, but only after messing with me while I was warming up. Oh, he's so nice. Surprisingly, though, he didn't bother me at lunch. Harry did most of it, ass. Both of 'em did, however, attempted to grab a hold of me so the other can smack my ass. It wasn't meant as sexual harassment, mind you, but just to cause me pain.

What one doesn't understand is that I have no ass. Period. There is no cushioning back there, and it practically hits the bone when I get smacked. Lacking a behind is completely normal to me; I'm used to the comments about having a "pancake butt". But God, does it hurt when people hit me. 'Specially Harry, he hits so damn hard.

Speaking of Harry, this morning I found him quietly sobbing in the Music/Drama hallway. When asked what was wrong he just stared into space, the tears building up at the bottom rim of his oval glasses, then spilling down his cheek. Finally, after some nudging, he told me.

"My dad almost punched me in the face," he cried.

"What?"

"He and my mom were fighting yesterday and they were like really fighting. He threatened her and when I tried to break them up he almost punched me in the face."

"I'm so sorry." I couldn't say anything else. What could I possibly say?

He sniffled. "This morning I called my recruiter to tell him to take my name off of the list." He's inlisted into the military. Army, I think. "I can't leave my mom alone."

I wanted to tell him that his mom is a grown woman and can take care of herself, but I know better than that. He's an adult himself, and needs to make his own decisions.

Drew, who couldn't get anything out of him, mouthed What happened? to me, his green eyes showing worry. I nodded once, signaling that I'd tell him later, and he returned the gesture, showing that he understood.

"I hadn't even told Drew yet," Harry continued. "I'll tell him later, I guess." He wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. The bell rang, so I helped him up and walked him part of the way to class. Drew followed him the rest of the way; my class was in the opposite direction.

It doesn't suprise me that Harry was crying. He's a very sensitive guy, though his feelings are usually expressed in anger. Some people, and I included, find it sweet that he'd openly cry in front of everyone, though. Others just think he's gay.

I was surprised, though, that he told me before he told Drew. Those two are a tight pair, they are. Best friends. Out of the three of us, I'm the last person to find out about everything, but today he came out to me. Me, the girl that is tortured by him daily. Our awkward relationship does have its perks, surprisingly.

I hope that Harry is ok. He was excited about joining the military, but now he wants to give it all up to protect his mother. As sweet as it is, I still say that she doesn't need him to care for her. Whatever he chooses to do, though, he will continued to be supported by Drew and I.

Ta-ta.

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