Blegh.
September 28, 2003, 10:19 p.m.

Guys are so unappreciative! Gosh!

Miamigurl123: Hey, sexy.

DToothless: could ya say that again please

Miamigurl123: lol

Miamigurl123: Hey, sexy.

DToothless: HELLO

Miamigurl123: 'Sup?

Miamigurl123: Drew?

Miamigurl123: Gr. Last time I greet you that way.

Miamigurl123: Hey, sexy.

Fonzo4sho signed off at 10:30:14 PM.

And the rest of the guys have yet to respond!

Boys suck.

My daddy was in the Miami Herald today! Woooh! It's about money. Ha! Like we've got money! So my dad gets pensions! I've yet to see the product of that. We're flat-out broke right now. Grr.

My Jamesy and I went out to the movies today and saw Fighting Temptation. I liked the movie, but the critics were right: The lead character is horribly written, but the rest are more interesting and the music is awesome. And hanging out with James is great, as always. I enjoy his company.

I've come across something about myself, though, that I'm not too happy about. No, darling, this is not my trying to dump you. Not at all, in fact. I'm just pointing out something that I've warned you about from the very beginning:

It's hard as hell for me to have a relationship with a guy I see once a week. And I've discovered that I'm not much of a relationship person.

Commitment seems hard. It's not hard to control myself from kissing other guys. It's the other part that gives me trouble: flirting.

God knows I'm a flirt. I've got everything down to a T when it comes to that. Right now, I can seduce just about any guy, usually for just a quick satisfaction, not for relationships.

I've been doing a lot of discovering lately, just trying to find out who I really am. Too long have I been sitting around watching everyone else, rarely partaking in activities because of my own inhibitions. The older I get, it seems, the more confidence I gain and the more I loosen up, which is a good thing. Being a stick is no fun at all. But having too much fun is like playing with fire.

And I'm a pyromaniac.

I need to change something in my life. Something needs to be different, but I don't know what it is. This could have absolutely nothing to do with James, or everything to do with him. It would be impossible right now for me to say what aspect in my life needs altering.

But even if James is the one that's bothering me, I wouldn't change it. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. He is, by far, the best boyfriend I've ever had. Maybe that's what the problem is. I don't know.

Let me stop rambling before I worry someone-- Before I worry myself.

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