Boys suck
October 27, 2003, 8:30 p.m.

Enh, I can't run for drum major next year. Man, that ain't fair! Do you know why? Do ya? Because it's no damn contest, that's why! Tawana is-a runnin'. Do you know what that means? Do ya?

I aint a-winnin'.

No matter. I get to be his secretary! *groan*

Chem was lame. Let's leave it at that.

Band was lamer. We practiced the drill for the homecoming show. God, we are one horrible, horrible marching band. Not that it matters, anyway. The fact is, the Krop band is not a marching band, but a pep band. We specialize in playing whilst sitting, not moving around and following directions and high-steppin' and all that crap.

*sigh* People just don't understand.

Lunch was neat, I guess. We got out pretty late because Mr. Nicholson decided to lecture us about nothing in particular. It was rather broad and therefor had no meaning to most of the students. No matter.

Anyway, I headed to lunch and was bombarded by Pablo telling me not to reveal to everyone that he told me last night about his large ass boner peeking through his silk boxers-- whoops! My bad! Not that I really wanted to tell people, anyway. That's just gross.

Ickie little boys.

Justin came over soon afterwards with a girl tagging along. I said hi and hugged Justin and the stranger smiled at me and sat down. A few minutes later he asked me to come with him to get something to eat, so I complied and told everyone I'd be right back.

So the two of us went walking, no doubt getting mean-ass glares from Alexia, the girl who'd had a horrible encounter with that boy. I know better. First we walked around to see if anything was open, but nothing was, aside from the vending machines. So we headed back towards those.

He spent 60 cents on a bag of Doritos. Doritos, people! Not necessary. While he was waiting for it to come out he did something odd. He reached over to me hand ran his fingers through my hair at the base of my neck and used his thumbs to caress my cheeks. Odd? Yeah. Flirty? Hell yeah.

That whole bit caused blood to run to my cheeks. I looked down and smiled nervously, hoping he wasn't going to do what could possibly happen next.

Apparently, he sensed this withdrawal and tilted my head up to look me in the eye.

"Do that again," he said. It took a second for me to realize what he meant, but a smile then spread again across my lips. He smiled smugly, knowing the full control he had of me in that moment. Simultaneously, James' name is being screamed in the back of my mind.

You can't do this to him, dammit! He cares about you, and Lord knows you care about him! You know full well Justin is a load of trouble waiting to be unleashed. Don't fall for that smile, those eyes, the way he touches you, the way he makes you laugh. It's a ploy, dammit, to get into your pants, and you know it!

God, that voice can be so do-goody sometimes. That's ok, though-- I'd never ever want to hurt James with something so stupid.

So I broke away and headed back towards the table, with him at my heels.

"Hey, did you two have fun making out?" Heath asked.

"Hardy har har," I laughed sarcastically. "We didn't make out, Heath."

The bell rang a half a second later, and so I picked up my books to head to class. The voice of a freshman came to my ear, asking Lexi who Justin was, to which she yelled loud enough for everyone to hear, "That's my dumb ass ex boyfriend!" I think it was aimed towards me, since the group thinks there's something going on between the two of us.

And I really won't lie, there is. It's beyond my control. While I've never done anything with him, it's hard to not wonder, What If? What if I wasn't with James? Would Justin be attempting to seduce me like he's been doing? And what he were to somehow convince me to leave James-- and that would take a lot of convincing, James-- would he drop me like an old toy that the owner has grown out of?

Not that this is, in any way, a crush on Justin. I loathe such a word! No, what I think is going on between him and I is just epitome of lust. Giving in to that lust would only satisfy me temporarily, but he could never give me what James can.

But every week I lose sight of why I'm with James. With his lack of prescence in my life, it's hard to remember why I continue to be with such a person. Yet everytime I see him, the reason is clarified, but soon fades from my memory a few days later.

God, I can't take this drama anymore!

So let's stop talking about the drama. Ms. Pond is back from her surgery. 5 whole weeks has she been out of school, but now she's back. Dammit. As bad as I felt that she was sick, I really didn't like her. It's her damn fault I have a B in her class when I should've had a goddamn A.

After all, I am a straight A student.

After this was band practice. Marching band! Woooh. Wooh! Hell no! Allison's got no patience for marching band. Allison would love to sit her tanned behind in an orchestra seat and play to her heart's content. Allison does not appreciated being forced onto the field in the hot sun in shorts (which Allison never wears) to work her ass off only to be embarrassed during homecoming three days later.

Allison is not happy.

So two hours and tons of smelly people later, we filed into the band room. I quickly changed back into my pants and walked to the front of the school.

Teehee. I got compliments on my shorts earlier. Heath said I should wear shorts more often, Drew greeted me with, "Who's that sexy girl?" and Charles was busy staring at my legs. Talk about making a girl self conscious.

But anyway, after walking to the front of the school, I saw Julio and tried to say hi, but he ignored me. I sighed and turned to leave, mumbling "Fine, then!", when he turned and grabbed my arm. I came back and gave him a hug, but when I went to let go he held on, wanting to talk.

"So Allison, when are going to finish what we started that day?" He asked, gently kissing my cheek and neck. If you read back far enough, then you should remember the incident when he kissed me, and it was stopped by Heath before I could protest.

"I can't, Julio," and shoved him lightly. He held fast.

"Why not?" His kisses moved closer to my mouth. I turned my head away.

"I have a boyfriend."

"That didn't stop you last time." Irritation flickered, and I squashed it, refusing to let it show.

"And I regret doing it."

"He doesn't have to know."

"I can't do that to him."

"It's not cheating. We'll just be friends with benefits."

"I can't, Julio. I have to go." With that, he let go, and I walked to the car.

Dammit, boys really suck.

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