Two days, One long ass entry
November 14, 2003, 6:37 p.m.

I'm attempting to do something that hasn't been done in a good while: Updating.

Jimmie said to me: "God, Allison, you haven't updated in three days."

To which I replied:"It's been longer than three days. More like four."

Yeah, and so it has been. Four days.

Even James has updated before me! Goodness.

Btw, dear, I do still have feelings for you. You're so special to me, that I doubt I could ever fully be over you, especially since I talk to you everyday. I didn't break up with you because they went away, and I would never make plans with someone else when you and I already did before purposely. I just thought that because we never finalized anything, we weren't going to go. Simple as that.

As for the other person that occupied my time (who doesn't have this link, so don't go blabbin', Jimmie, Maya, Melanie, my SIBLINGS-that-I-know-read-this-but-pretend-they-don't. I got my eye on you), I had an awesome time.

Justin is one sexy guy. But he's white, dammit. And Jewish on top of that. Why do I keep falling for white jew boys, eh? Not that there's anything wrong with them, of course.

And you know what? I didn't know he was white. No fault of mine, of course. He really doesn't look white. One would have thought that he was Hispanic, but no, he's white. Whatever happened to cultural diversity, Allison? What ever happened to mingling amongst the races? God.

Oh well, he's still hot.

I was having a conversation with my mom in the van not too long ago.

"I don't know what you see in Justin. You had such a sweet boyfriend before; I liked James. He was sweet and polite, and he cared for you so much... and you just knocked him to the side."

"Thanks for the guilt trip, mom."

"Whenever I get attatched to one of your boyfriends, you just drop them and move onto the next. And this time you picked such an asshole."

"Yeah, I know he is. And I didn't 'drop' him."

"Yes you did. He really cared about you!"

"I know! But I never saw him! Atleast now I get to see Justin everyday, even though it's only at lunch."

"And you play kissy-face with him throughout the whole time."

"No I don't!"

"Don't think I don't know what you do! I've got sources!"

"And who are they? Jazzmyn? Ha. Not much of a reliable source. I only see Justin for a few minutes unless I'm walking around with him, and I've only kissed him, like once."

Liar, liar, liar, liar.

At school... 3 times, but not during the whole lunch period, though. Honest.

"If you know he's such an-- a butt hole-- why do you go with him?"

"C'mon, didn't you date rebels when you were my age?"

"Yeah. All the time. Then again, I was a rebel myself."

I can not imagine my mom being a rebel. A hippie, yes, but not a rebel. Goodness.

Yes, Justin is a bit of an asshole, and yes he's a rebel. He smokes, he drinks, he plays girls, he gambles and even stole a bike. Yes, I know this. But I'm one of those guilty of liking a rebel. I like being ignored. I like being pissed off, only to gain an apology through physical attention, whether a kiss is involved or not. I like how he commands me around, almost bordering on controlling.

Yes, he's an asshole. But that's why I'm drawn to him. It's my way of reaching a personal equillibrium relationship-wise. In order to balance out James' politeness and innocence, I have to date a badass.

But because of the relationship I have with the badass (though it's only a Friends with Benefits type)alarms have gone off in many of my friends' heads.

Benjamin doesn't like him. My mom doesn't like him. Heath, and Jimmie don't like him. Neither do Lexie and Shirelle and Chris. They say that he's going to hurt me, that he'll change me. A few have said he's using me. And do you think I don't know that's a possibility? Of course I do. He's not my boyfriend-- he has the right to see whomever he wants, as do I.

He came over yesterday, using the fact that he had a project to work on with Jazzmyn as an excuse. I, unfortunately, distracted him from his duties as a partner, and Jazzmyn ended up doing a large part of the work. But he wouldn't even kiss me for the most part, because the area that we were hanging out at is subject to a heavy flow of traffic in my household. So get your head out of the gutter!

My mom left a while after that with Jazzmyn to pick up Melode from band practice. So Justin and I went outside to watch my brother's friends work out on the weight machine. He took out a cigarette and began to smoke, after offering one to Taz and Devon. Once my mother returned, I was called inside for a few moments to fix something, and the boys bolted to my brother's truck.

When I caught up to him, I told him how disgusting that habit was, to which he took a puff, and mocked blowing smoke into my face before turning his head and emitting the opaque air from his lungs. He laughed and gave me a very sinister smile.

God, he looked so sexy, sitting on the back of my brother's truck, a cigarette in his right hand, and smiling at me from behind his oval-shaped frames.

I know it's that cigarette that made him look oh-so appealing. It went with his badass image, and heightened my attraction to him.

"You know," I said, walking towards him. "All this stuff you do is going to corrupt me."

He kissed me. "I wouldn't want to do that." That same evil smile spread across his lips.

"Nah, Allison," said Taz. "No one could mess up your head. You too smart to start this shit." He flicked his cig to the ground.

"You don't even know me, Taz."

"Yeah, but I can tell from the way you carry yourself. You smart."

"You only say that 'cause I talk like a white girl. That's what it always is."

Justin chuckled and drew me closer to him.

"Aight, Allison, how about we leave you two alone?"

I giggled as Taz and the gang walked away.

Alas, my mom called us back in seconds later.

So we headed back inside, ate dinner, then filed into the van for band practice.

We arrived at the school a few minutes early, so we went into the deserted hallway and we spent some time together until I had to go.

"No. Stay."

"I can't. I'm already ten minutes late." He kissed me again. God, would I have loved to stay with him. "I really have to go."

When we reached the bandroom, we said our goodbyes. "It's ok, though. I'm sure you're about tired of me anyway."

"Don't say that. I'd rather be with you right now then having you in there practicing, while I'm out here." Oh God did I want to stay.

"Bye, Justin. See you tomorrow." He gave me a peck on the lips in the doorway and walked off.

God, he's so sexy.

Now for today!

Chemistry was hard. My entire group got an F on an assignment because mean ol' Beightol decided to give us these two problems we never ever solved before. Even after reading the book, we didn't understand how to do it, so we got them wrong. And what's worse, there were only two problems! TWO! So Mayya was on the verge of tears because she's never gotten an F in her life, and I felt like shit. Did Beightol care? Hell no.

"You should have read the book." WE DID, dammit! Not everyone's mind works in that way. God damn, how can you give us a grade on something you never taught us?

Band was cool. The people from the New World Symphony came by and talked to us. God, I love the New World Symphony. They are freakin' awesome, man. And they even got John Adams to conduct their orchestra once.

They're also the first symphony to use Internet2 to broadcast private lessons from around the world. Internet2 is, I think they said, 20,000 times faster than the internet and all satellite connections. There are no distortions created when broadcasting an image across large distances. Imagine using a webcam. There are plenty of distortions, right? Freezing, visible pixels, and whatnot. Internet2 allows each musician to get private lessons from people as far away as London, without the disturbances of the usual webcams. In fact, it's almost as if the teacher is in the same room as the student.

Awesome shit.

That's how they got an interview with John Adams live during a concert, while he was in another state.

The jazz band had to perform, so Drew, Heath, and Tad left, leaving me to help Benjamin with one of the easiest songs known to man.

And of course, he can't play it.

Lunch, I hung out with Jimmie and chatted with him. God, I love him. He's so witty, and genuine and his imitations get me a' laughin'. They're so real, but funny in the context used that I'm always laughing around him. He's so fun to be with, to talk to. I'd be ridiculously bored without him.

PseudoZippthorne: oh yes, we both reached for the gun.

Miamigurl123: ?

PseudoZippthorne: Chicago.

Miamigurl123: Woosh. Over my head.

PseudoZippthorne: band kid.

PseudoZippthorne: and sophie tucker'll sh*t I know

to see her name get billed below...

ROXIE HART!

Miamigurl123: ...?

PseudoZippthorne: Chicago.

Miamigurl123: Woosh...

PseudoZippthorne: band kid.

Gotta love Jimmie.

Justin popped by for a few minutes before he disappeared to buy lunch, most likely from the winnings he got playing dice.

Not long later, I felt a hard smack on my ass, and turned to see Drew running off and laughing.

"You jackass!" I screamed and ran after him. Knowing through experience I'd never catch him, I went and sat down by Jimmie, only to reach for the green-eyed bastard once he got close enough. Missed.

I did manage to take his jacket, though, and I threatened to throw it in the trash.

"No, don't!" He tried to pull it away from me, but I stuck it behind my back. He reached behind me, but I turned around, so that my back was facing him. However, I couldn't move, because he'd locked his arms around me and began tickling me, causing my grip on the jacket to slacken. I'm extremely ticklish. While being tickled, Tad came up and snatched it from my hand, and Drew let go.

"Justin, go beat him up." I told him.

"Can't." He said. "Don't want to get suspended." Actually, he was just brushing me off. Asshole. He barely took the time replying, concentrating only on the pizza in his hands.

Drew laughed. I went to him and scratched his arm.

Once the bell rang, Benjamin tried to pull me away as fast as he could, trying to put distance between me and Justin. God, he hates him. I pulled away, trying to stay where I was.

"What did I tell you about walking off without me?" came Justin's voice in a joking tone.

"I wasn't trying to."

"You're supposed to walk with me!" said Benjamin.

"I'm walking with Justin."

"Don't worry about him," said Justin. "He's just upset 'cause you don't want to be with him."

"Well I've already made my decision." Benjamin walked ahead and out of view.

Before the two of us parted, he gave me another, more intense, kiss.

"Wow, you won't do that in front of my friends, but you'll do it in front of a crowd of people?" I asked, gesturing towards the horde of students filing their way through the hallway to get to class.

"Your friends are a bunch of fags. They wouldn't know how to react." I laughed.

"Whatever. Bye."

Math was lame. Ms. Pond was being all bitchy and PMS-y all day. She went on a temporary teaching strike against the class and did not want to teach the class anymore.

Then when she resumed, she got all bitchy because we didn't finish a problem she was trying to teach us before she took her temporary leave. If you're teaching it to us, woman, why should we have to do it on our own? God!

Teachers are dumb.

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