Completely Single Once Again
December 04, 2003, 6:35 p.m.

I really, really need to vent right now.

Rejection feels horrible. Hey, James, I'm on your side now. Happy?

God, boys suck.

*sigh* I'm sorry. All this... stuff... has put me in such a boy-hating mood. Lucky for you, though, I'm not one to be heartbroken. You're saved from countless tears and extreme tantrums. Yes, you're lucky.

Hell, I'm lucky.

So Justin and I are pretty over. Why? I could make a few guesses at that. He got bored with me. I wouldn't sleep with him, or anything close to that sense. To him, I was just a toy to be played with for a while, then tossed to the side like the rest of the girls who made the mistake of ever liking him.

Today was the "official" parting of our ways. Although he never said, "Allison, you and I can't happen anymore," I read between the lines. It's not too hard with boys.

At lunch Heath asked me if Justin and I were broken up, pointing out that he was with some girl about fifty feet away from our table. I thought about it for a few seconds, then finally said yes, though we were never a couple.

While talking to my friends, I saw Justin and Tina walking together.

"Tina!" I called.

"Oh! Hi!" She waved. My eyes met Justin's, and I smiled and waved. He gave me the peace sign and walked off, showing no care for my presence.

"Yeah, Heath. It's definitely over."

Heath started talking how Tina was hot and a few of the guys at the table agreed.

He did the same thing Wednesday as well. That's when I first found out that the two hooked up. When I tried making conversation with him he asked if I'd seen one of his other gal friends. When I said no, he told me to tell her that he said hi. Tina walked up, said hi to me, and her and Justin left to go somewhere. I really don't care to know where.

You know, it's not even the fact that he's with other girls that bothers me. I knew he would be, and I was ok with that. He had the right to kiss anyone he wanted to -- even my friends-- as far as I was concerned.

But when I'm ditched completely without so much as a verbal affirmation, I get a little upset.

I knew it'd happen. Justin had been showing signs of wanting to get out of the situation for a while. His getting CSI only served him to put distance between him and I.

And all of this because I wouldn't sleep with him.

Anyway, after lunch while walking alone to class (Benjamin was absent and Sarah was missing), I ran into Tina. The only reason I said hi was out of sheer politeness.

"Where'd your friend go?" she asked. "He's always disappearing."

"Yeah."

"I didn't know you knew him."

"Yeah."

"He's cute. He's from Chicago, you know. I think that's so cool. And he has such a sexy accent. I plan on moving up there when I'm older."

"Yeah. Cool."

"I didn't know you two were friends," she repeated.

"I've known him for a couple of months now."

"He's a cutie." She winked.

"Yeah."

"Well, bye."

"Bye."

That conversation stung. The last thing I wanted to do was think about Justin, though he'd been running through my mind since I first saw him and Tina together. There have been very few times I have been hurt by guys. Very few. I could count it on two fingers. And the other guy was Matt.

I liked Justin. He knew it because I told him. He understood because I showed him, though not in the way he'd rather have it. It would be stupid for me to pretend that I'm not hurt. Hell, I knew I'd be the one hurt in this... relationship from the very beginning, but I took the chance, anyway. But that doesn't matter. He's not thinking about me, so why should I think about him?

Well, my friends (and mom), you'll be happy to know that Justin and I are over. You can now cheer and throw a celebration-- just don't expect me to be a part of it. I'm in no mood for your festivities.

I suddenly feel really bad for my ex-boyfriends.

last - next