Family Feud
March 10, 2004, 12:51 a.m.

Why is it that whenever I need someone to talk to no one's around?

What's with all you normal people going to bed at normal times and not having a family feud at 12:30 in the morning?

Oh wait-- we have testing in the morning. That's probably why.

Well, if you saw me falling asleep today in class, you'll know why.

In a span of about 15 minutes, I've been threatened to be beaten up by my father-- not smacked, not "spanked", not disciplined, mind you. His specific words were, "I'm going to kick your ass."-- I've been shoved against a few walls, swore at my mother, and told my dad he could go to hell.

Oh, but my father is the sole provider of the family. Well, father, last time I looked, we were broke, so it doesn't really matter how much of that little bit of money you do bring into the household. And let's not bring up the fact that even your wife cannot stand to be near you.

My father acts like I'm afraid of him. I'm sorry father, but you haven't intimidated me since I was 12. All of your threats are shit, and I know they're shit. And when you do hit you always go too far and I have absolutely no problem in calling the police on you.

Believe me. You out of my life wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. So you can leave any time you want to, you fucking bastard who can't even be faithful to his goddamn wife. You know, the lady you knocked up an then married afterwards? Keep it in your pants, asshole.

But it's always pleasing to know that you're using protection, father. At least I know I won't be having another little brother or sister any time soon.

As for being broke, I don't care. He barely brings in shit as it is, and I very rarely ask for anything, so even he was gone, I wouldn't suffer. Believe me.

Oh wait, I should point out how this whole mess started, shouldn't I? Okay, here goes.

I was sleeping. On the couch. Again. Why? because my sister threw a whole bunch of crap on it. Again. And the pile was too damn high to tackle in one night, not to mention I was tired as hell from staying up 'til 3 AM to work on my stupid rough draft for Fishkin, so I put it off to deal with tomorrow afterschool and I slept on the couch.

At twelve thirty, I'm asleep. Trust me. Not very deeply, however. I haven't been sleeping that hard lately. Charlie, my stupid, inconsiderate brother, comes out and turns on the tv. He has a television in his room. He just wanted to watch Radio again because he couldn't sleep.

Your inability to sleep is absolutely not my problem. If I was sleeping, and you know that I have fucking NRT in the morning, why would you be such an asshole to come out and wake me up?

So I yelled at him and turned off the tv. He turned it back on, and so I scratched the hell out of his arm. And yes, it hurt because I still have skin under my nails. My dogs witnessed the physical contact and started barking, waking up the entire house.

My father comes out of the room, and automatically takes my brother's side without hearing mine. In fact, he still hasn't heard mine now that I think about it. Figures. Then I said this whole situation is stupid and I stormed off into my room.

My father, who takes every fucking thing personally, accused me of calling him stupid and told me that I'm getting out of line. So I did what he accused me of: I got in his face and yelled at him. He rose to my challenge, and Jazzmyn ran between us to break us apart.

But I continued to yell.

Father soon got fed up and raised a fist at me-- a fist, dears. A closed fucking fist-- and Jazzmyn shoved me against the wall to protect me. My mother, who was watching us argue, pulled my father away and sent him to bed, and dealt with the whole situation. I told her to leave me alone and that dad can kiss my ass, and she got pissed and left outside to go smoke.

I'm way too wound up right now to go to sleep, and it's likely I'll be up all night waitin' for the sun to come up. That'll be several hours from now, I think.

No problem. I can wait.

Oh, and Pi, if your pictures on your journal don't work, don't worry about it. It'll be fixed soon. Mine should be having problems soon as well, but everything'll be handled.

'Cause I'm just raw like that.

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