Fatness
April 16, 2004, 10:53 p.m.

I'm just a little depressed right now. Just a tiny, little bit.

I'm fat. And no one told me.

Jesus, people, why do you continue to call me the skinniest girl you know, when I've got a roll on my stomach that's five inches big when you pull at it? I think you guys are confusing me with what I used to be, rather than what I am now.

It was brought to my attention that I've become a chunky lass when my father pointed it out whilst I was fixing my plate for dinner. Needless to say, I didn't eat anything. I've decided to revert back to my borderline-anorexic ways. Why, you ask? Simple:

I'm a fat-ass lazy girl who'd rather starve her self than to take her jiggly arms and humongous thighs to the gym.

And the thing is, I knew I got bigger. I'm up to 115 lbs now. Doesn't seem like much, I know, but I have a really tiny frame. Really, my perfect weight would be 105, and I was happy there until I went under my limit.

But I digress. I knew I was getting fatter from my increase in breast size and in butt size-- however small that increase was. My boobs are the biggest they've been in a long time.... I might have to go up a cup size if I gain any more weight.

And the surge has also caused my pant size to increase again. I used to be a zero, but now I'm anywhere from a 3 to a 5.

And I know most of you are probably rolling your eyes, wishing you could be a five and cursing your size 14 jeans, but the fact is, being a five bothers me. As I've said, I have a really small frame, and being a five is an equivalent to Alice being a 12.

So I will cut back on my food intake, and eat once a day again. Yeah, I know, I'm probably taking it pretty far, but at least I eat. I have never been an anorexic and it's nearly impossible for me to become one; food is such a big part of my family that it's damn near impossible to sever my ties with it completely, snarfing down only a few carrots, chewing gum to curb the hunger, and snacking down pieces of crackers.

I am not writing this entry for your sympathy, mind you. I don't need it. After all, you hadn't pointed out my chunkiness in the first place, so how can I expect you not to agree with me now? Anyway, you'd probably tell me how I'm going losing weight all wrong, and that it's unhealthy. I could lose bone mass, you say, and muscle mass. Honestly, I've never gotten that bad, and I doubt I will.

So don't worry about me. I can handle myself.

Went to Voices in the Night tonight. The show was absolutely awesome. I didn't realize Adam could sing so well... his singing voice is nothing like his rather high speaking voice. Chris, who performed "Mister Cellophane" was really damn good, as well.

But Blake's piece was the most entertaining, even if he can't particularly sing too well. Granted, he sings better than I do (most people do), but his vocal abilities aren't as well as many that did solos.

Natalie and Merideth did a piece together, not surprisingly. They are totally best friends, and would become sisters if they could.

Overall, the show was great. While last year's was more humorous, this year's performance showed great improvement in the vocals at Krop. It's too bad the band would never sound as good.

I nearly strangled Kosho today. At first, I admired him for being such a devout Christian, but now his Christian-ness is getting on my nerves. I mean, he always had something to say to disagree with what I said.

"I've never met anyone as religious as you," said I in band, while he was reading his Bible. Yes, he carries his bible with him everywhere.

"I don't consider it a religion. You wouldn't call your mother a religion, or your father--"

"Oh, don't give me this religious mumbo jumbo. I know what you're gonna say, 'and God is our Father, therefor worshipping him is not a religion' or some shit like that."

"It's not horseshit."

"I didn't mean it like that" said I, getting frustrated. "I just think that your reasoning is flawed."

"How is it flawed?"

"Because everything has to have a title. That's the way the English language works. Worshipping God and Jesus is your religion, it's how we distinguish it from the Jews and the Buddhists."

"We all worship basically the same person. Just different names."

Later, while arguing, he pulled out some religious thing and handed it to me, when I jokingly made a comment that the Bible is not a textbook, and we're supposed to keep religion seperate from school, anyway. I didn't read it, because what it says is so predictable.

Then Heath came into the conversation, and the subject continued to change over to religious debates, including homosexuality (which I didn't start, mind you) and the theory of evolution.

After a while, Mr. Gray told us to shut up, and we went back to pretending to pay attention to Music Theory...

... as if I don't know how to find freaking key signatures.... Ass.

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