Family Circus
December 19, 2004, 6:56 p.m.

The circus is in town.

Step right up to see the Family of Chaos:

Charles the Muscle Man, 53. Able to beat up entire if desired. Usually, after getting in wife's face, runs out of the house with an overnight bag. Real mean sucker who thinks the world is against him. You don't want to catch yourself alone with him!

Jean the Defender, 45. Generally the voice of reason, she often gets a finger in her face and treated like a child. There ain't no reason fo' reason in this circus.

The Chillun 15, 17, 17, 18. Tend to provoke Muscle Man into anger through the smallest disobedience. They are the catalyst to his rage, as insignificant their insurgency happens to be. Collective favorite quote: "I hate you and the stupid fucking house."

The Guards. Two dogs who use their mouths to beat up on eachother when yelling satiates the house. Upon being broken apart, they bite the hands that feed them.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you miss the show? Oh, poor thing. Here, let's review:

What started out as a disagreement between Muscle Man and one of the Chillun escalated into a full-out free-for-all after Jean the Defender flew into to battle. Muscle Man, who despises the voice of reason, forced her back against the wall, where he beat her with spit from his open, loud mouth. His roars can kill.

With this development, the rest of the Chillun clan went into action, combining the forces of their voices to try to rectify the situation. Muscle Man feels cornered mentally, and kicks the original Chillun out of the house.

"She's only seventeen!" said this Chillun.
"I don't give a fuck! Nobody disrespects me! I ain't no fucking child, and I won't take that shit! Let her fucking leave! I don't care!" screamed the man, heading towards the door to yell at the Chillun.

The Defender then tried to switch the attention to her instead of her daughter by telling Muscle Man that his tantrum is having a pejorative affect on the situation.

The Guards, made nervous by the yelling, began fighting with eachother, and were promptly broken apart by the Chillun. The little Guard, still ready to attack, but the arms of the Chilluns. Both Guards were thrown outside.

Muscle Man, after having his ego damaged, yelled some more, grabbed his keys and the famous overnight bag and left.

I tried talking to my father for once. Again, he brought up being the provider of the family. But so what? What does that have to do with behaviour? Absolutely nothing. Father claimed that he was a fifty-three-year-old man, that he didn't need to be told what to do by a teenager, especially about matters of behaviour. He doesn't understand that he overreacted. He doesn't understand that he shouldn't've said the things he said, or done the things he did. He thinks that because he's a grown man, everything he does is right, and his word is god.

And when his followers don't do what they're described to do, he gets upset and leaves. His final words were to the family:

"Take the fucking house, take the money. You can have it. I'm leaving," to which he slammed the door behind him, got in his little navy blue car, and drove away.

Yes, a happy holiday season is among us.

Right.

Ta-ta.

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